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Sex And The Single Kid
One day in the cul-de-sac, Ed and Eddy were hanging out in the school cafeteria, where Kevin and the other kids showed up late. "Where were you guys, break's almost over!" Eddy asked with a mouthful of bread. "We.. uh.. sex ed class." Kevin responded a bit uneasy. "..Now? In college? Doesn't sex ed start in, like, high school?" "Yeah, I don't know, this is the 70s, so maybe not..!" he answered impatiently, "Whatever, the teacher wouldn't shut up, so now we gotta hurry and stuff our faces before next class starts." "It was super weird too, I didn't get any of it!" Jonny said, "She kept talking about wood, but didn't even have a Plank, like me. She did have a hammer, though.." The group walked off and Eddy placed a finger under his chin as he thought for a while. "Ed.. what if we started a sex ed class?" "Nope." Ed instantly replied and continued peeling his orange. "We can make money offa this!" "How?" "Parents are total wimps, they don't wanna tell their kids anything, but also don't wanna see em do stupid stuff! And if the teachers here aren't up for it, then we're a blessing from the heavens! We'll be doing the 'dirty' work! You bet people are gonna pay us handsomely for it!" "But, um, do we know anything about it?" "I'm an expert! I was married to my bro's ex-wife, remember!" Eddy winked. "Yeah, that.. happened." Ed coughed with uncertainty in his voice, "Maybe we should go check out our school's sex ed class, first." "Fine, if that's what it takes to make you join." Later that day, they decided to attend the next demonstration and see what it was all about. The teacher walked in with the biggest grin on her face, they could tell she was a character. "Good day, everyone! I’m mrs. Griffin, your sex ed teacher for this season!" "This one looks like a real fruitcake." Eddy whispered. "Now, you all probably THINK to know everything about sex, but watching naughty videos on the internet doesn't count, I can promise you!" "The internet? ..So that means we're living in the 90s." "Please! No talking over me!" mrs. Griffin ordered, "This concerns important matters! You won't be making jokes when you suddenly find yourself with a small human or a body riddled with disease!" "Geez, ok!" "Safe sex is the one thing I'm trying to get through to you young people!" She ducked underneath her desk and pulled out a large box with all kinds of different objects. Odd things the class had never seen before in their innocent lives. Sweat formed on Ed and Eddy's head while she stalled out the box' contents in sight of everyone. "Teach!" Eddy called with his hand raised. "Yes?" "What's the collar and whip for?" "..." "..." "..." "..." "Safe sex." Later that day, Ed and Eddy were sitting at a table with wide and tired eyes. The lesson went on for a long time, and in the end, they weren't sure what they just learned. It was an exhausting ride. "Let's not start a sex ed." Eddy then spoke, "If this is what it's all about, I'm not up for it." "I'm not even sure I'm up for sex." Ed replied. "Don't blame ya. I think you can take off the collar now, though.." ''The End '' Category:Fan-Fiction Category:Fan Fiction Category:Fan-Fiction Episodes